Just a guest in

By: Victoria Diaz

I have this feeling that the age you leave your hometown is the same age you feel when you return. Even though you have grown as a person, you’re stuck in time when you go back to the place where you grew up. You can’t help but feel the same as you did as you left. Whatever your reason was to leave, a part of you is frozen in there.

I’m back in my hometown. I haven’t been here since June and I feel like a 15 year old girl. I hate going shopping with my mom. She doesn’t like anything I like. I want to avoid the world and spend the whole day in bed. I just spent the days wishing I was normal. I feel frozen in time. I want the whole world to just… go away.

I watched Aftersun again, in the movie there’s this line that hasn’t left me alone. The line goes like this “There’s this feeling, once you leave where you are from…. where you grew up… you don’t totally belong there again”. The thing is… I’m not sure if I ever belonged in the first place and I don’t have another place to be from. I will always be from there and I don’t mind…. I just wish to belong there. 

Maybe it’s my hope that one day I will belong that blinds me from reality and that’s my best excuse.