Shamaira Xynil's Archive.

Why do we love?

Why do we love? Could it be we want the experience for ourselves? Or maybe it was a little trick of fate which spurred you on. But in our ever-changing, complicated world, how can we be so sure about the person we pick? Is it really about how they make us feel? Or is it the twinkle in their eyes the moment they see you?

For me, love, in many different ways should be a constant, kaleidoscopic feeling. A feeling which holds you in assurance that they’ll stay through the hard times, the good, and even in times when you feel undeserving of it. If you asked me, the question of why we love should remain unanswered. We all have our own different beliefs of what love is, and how it should be.

So the next time you ask, “why do we love?”

I say, love comes in many different ways, forms, or sometimes, even people. It’s not only about the way they make us feel, but also the sense of security, that feeling of safety whenever you’re with them. Love is constant.

A message to an old friend

Yesterday, I saw you

Laughing with your friends like how we used to

Something I cling on to

You looked happier and healthier

In some ways, you didn’t look like you

I thought, “do you miss them like I do, too?” 

Today, I saw you, you were playing cards with them

Do you remember when we did too?

Outside our classroom, with that same old friend group

The echoes of laughter, the teasing, and the crying together

It still rings through my mind from time to time

Everyday, I see you

Though it may be hard to accept

We’ve all moved on with life

But the memories of our past, along with the lessons learned

Still lives on

The Simplicity Of It All

Family, love, innocence

What more could you need?

Back to the days when happiness was one piece of candy or a toy

Back when life was so pure and free

Why grow up so quickly, kid?

You have time

Enjoy it, the simplicity of it all

You’ll mature, you’ll have some questions you never could ask

You’ll find the answers, you’ll learn how to love

Along the way, you’ll get heartbroken

So stay there, play, learn, trip and fall

When you get here, you’ll miss it all

When you’re there to care for everyone, who cares for you?

He was here. He is here.

The love that I've given out and longed for, I felt with him

Without a single touch, a single kiss

He showed me more love than I could ever bear witness

Who is he? 

Take your time, grow up, and you’ll see

Thank you

Cold, empty, and depressing silence present in the air

Surrounded by loved ones who have come to mourn

A night enclosed with grief

The night you left

I wasn’t sure how to feel

All I knew is I felt sadness, anger, guilt

I never got to thank you for everything.

If you were still here, would it be the same?

Would we still go on our weekly drives?

Was it better for us that you left?

Where are you?

What would you say that I do in this situation?

I might not really know for sure, but I’ll always try.

Cry of a longing friend

I always knew there were three options

Love her,

Like how the sun keeps the moon shining brightly in every starry night.

Keep her, 

In every dream, every night, every day.

Keep quiet… keep quiet.

Take the risk or lose the chance?

Words left a teasing friend’s mouth

As a million thoughts what I must do filled every crevice of my mind

But what if taking the risk comes never getting to be with her?

Must we really fight for love?

Must we fight for love when we know in ourselves:

There’s a chance she may never feel the same

Those words, my mind seemed to usher

My sleepless, restless, and cruel mind

A mind which is filled with memories of her, memories to keep forever

Memories to always treasure

Back in our Italian Restaurant

The highs and the lows

The all time hopes

Time passes

Before all, love comes first

Life can pass you by

All you have to do is try

Young lovers in bars

Singing songs, playing cars

Those were the times of love, and lust for life

Teenage years, small little fears –

Will we still be together in the end?

Time caught up, fast forward to now

I wish you’d tell me how

How we made it this far

Still us, even now

Even after the fights

Even after sleepless nights

What was two devoted lovers before 

All grown up, kids and all

Our stories, even the bad ones

We’ll tell our grandchildren

Until we’re bed ridden

Until our skin’s uneven

We’ll always look back

Back at that Italian Restaurant

Who could have known?

Who could have known?

I could have met you outside

Or in an elevator

Or maybe somewhere in the future

Maybe by the water

But I met you same time that I got better

Mentioning the future, we're just getting there

Life's abusive, baby

But you'll be safe here

Am I falling in too fast?

I've known you for less than a year

You had me in tears

And helped me forget my fears

Had me thinking, "do I even deserve you?"

The poems, the songs

Most of them I wrote for you

I never knew I’d a find love as great as you

I wish only to have forever with you

Peace will be a friend

Once, we had endless dreams Somewhere inside of us, there's always gonna be a little us hoping for the impossible 

The best we can do is use that little glimmer of hope, use it the best we can in our hardest times, our hardest battles 

Use it as a way to rebuild what was broken

In hopes that one day, everything is gonna be okay, everything is gonna settle in its place

One day, peace will be a friend

Somewhere in that period of time

We don't exactly know how, when, why, how 

But somewhere in between, we grew up

Somewhere in between, we weren’t kids anymore

Somewhere in between we were the adolescents we once hoped to be as kids

This brings the phrase, "malayo pa, pero malayo na.” 

We are now in the future which we hoped for as hopeful little children, when life was butterflies and rainbows

Maybe some of our dreams never came true- like becoming a princess

But the good thing is, we might never achieve those dreams of becoming special people

But we did earn the gift of enlightenment, the gift of knowledge, the gift of freedom. 

An Excerpt from: Words Unsaid

All the years I've given just to save a face

With eyes of a dreamer

Your face with the lips of a liar

Even if I pretended you’re not worthy

Of my warm, tight embrace

Even if you dared to leave

And hurt me even more

I’d still blur the hate

With the same rose-colored glasses

From the time you went away

Sonder

Under the setting sun

A child roams free

The feeling of bliss lingers with thee

Under a towering tree

A kid giggles with glee 

With the presence of innocence 

You will always believe

Beneath the pale moonlight

To lovers aim to create a memory

One of a beautiful scenery

Frozen in time 

Where it’ll always be happy

An Excerpt from: A Reason to Stay

Sailing treacherous seas

Winds of change directed me in different directions

Sometimes staying on islands for weeks

They never could make me stay

Before I knew it, I had arrived yet again on another

I'm thinking, "Will I finally find a reason worth staying for?"

As I looked around, I saw a man

I saw you

A man who had bruises of the past, a part of who he is

Some beared with shame, some with a sense of pride

After years of treading various oceans and fighting through storms

Have I finally found my peace, my calmness, my rest?

I had no regrets, not even one.

Who could have known?

In a sea of uncertainty, you were at the other side

Patiently waiting, my love

Unwavering waves of happiness

You send them to me

As they wash upon the shore, and onto my feet

I'm thinking, "Am I about to let myself drown once more?"

Or is it you that I've been waiting for?

Someone who's worth drowning for

Knowing in the end, I'll wash up on your shore

Your face, I'll see

It is a view I adore and will always appreciate forevermore

To my forever distant star

It has been years since you left us

The memories of our times together still lives on

Like the time you got your heart broken

They made a fool out of you

Everyone was teasing, you went along

Even if it hurt you, you always put their happiness first

The one thing they could never return the favor to

It feels like it’s been an eternity since I last saw you

Everyday feels incomplete

That little house in the neighborhood is not the same anymore

Not the lively show it’s always been

Even when onlookers would judge

You always told me, “don’t let it get to you.”

Like a mother, a role you always wanted

The same role you achieved, just for a short time

Though it has always been a part of you

To my forever distant star, shining ever so brightly

Even in supernova

You look as beautiful as you were

What you left behind in the endless void

Will always be a reminder of you

What you were, who you were

A colorful display of light

Never burning out for those around her

longing

The sound of cars passing by

The infectious laughter of our friends

Your oh, so familiar smile which will haunt me until the end

If you’d have told me that it all comes down to this

Maybe it would have never left me thinking

Are we lovers or friends?

Amidst our unfurnished love

I guess somewhere in between I fell

If I had known how you felt

Maybe it's wouldn't be like this

Maybe we wouldn't have ended up here

Inside a hideous trick of fate

Where time stands still

Where lovers are friends

Where soulmates were never meant to be

The smell of you still lingers now

The smell of you still lingers now in every air that I breathe

Your familiar face, my longing gaze

Engraved in every memory

Do you have to haunt me?

Remember our late night love

Lord knows you kept my heart

During the great divide

During the happenstance

I felt it all, my love

I felt our love collapse

But what am I to say?

Was there even love?

Was there even us?

Were you even mine?

I was the life-long light

I burned myself while shining bright

All for you, and my living hope 

That we'd come alive

Once again, for a lifetime

Maybe in the next life

Maybe you could be mine

After all, what is life without change?

No one really tells you how hard it is when something so meaningful comes to an end. I wish someone had told me how sad it would be to part ways with people you value, trust, and love so much. But I guess after all, what is life without change? It may be hard to move forward after how much fun we shared together. From our random sessions, the chaos, the causing troubles, that familiar sound of each person’s laughter. 

I am a mosaic of each of you. My soul has been stained by the fun times we shared. The thing is, not every person gets to have- or even find what we had. I can only hope you value and remember our time together as much as I do. As we grow up, don’t forget to hold these memories, as well as those of when you were young. Hold it close to your heart. Let it be a part of who you are. Hope, love, fail, get heartbroken, get hurt. Experience life. Let the lessons learned and experience earned guide the way. But never lose your childlike enthusiasm and wonder.